Lips Just Like Paula

I swore to avoid watching American Idol this year.  Not only has this show gone on much too long, but without Simon Cowell, I see no point.  Aside from enjoying the ridiculous audition attempts from singers only a mother could love, Simon was the only redeeming factor of this show.  I loved his sarcastic barbs and scant praise.  I think Kara Whatshername was smart to abandon this show.  Now we have good-ole’ Randy Dawg, J Lo, and Steven Tyler (a/k/a “Lips”), which I am convinced is really Paula in man-drag. 

I was able to avoid the very tempting auditions this year and was only drawn in when I heard a friend mention an actual musician-type, Casey Somebodyorother.  This type of singer was the reason that I started watching Idol 27 seasons ago – to see those worthy yet undiscovered talents.  If you haven’t heard, America chose to vote for Casey less than the others (as America often does to actual talent) and he was ‘saved’ by the judges last night.  I actually caught 15 minutes of that episode and noticed that Paula isn’t gone – she has simply morphed into an old rocker.  Not only is Steven as worthless a judge as Paula was, he has the same doped/comatose face at the table and inconsequential remarks like “Slap that baby on the ass and call me christmas” (huh?).  Like Paula, Steven Tyler and his iconic lips have been donned in some sort of animal print each time he has sat at the judges’ table.  Also like Paula, his hair is some coifed version of 80’s Bon Jovi.  I’m sure I’m not the first to say this but, dude looks like a lady!  A lady who is bored and tired.  Well he is 75 after all.

(notice the animal print)

Anyway, bravo to the “judges” for keeping Casey for another week.  Sadly, America will probably make the wrong choice again next week and axe him and some other poor schlep.  And then we will only have Paula-Steven’s lips, vacant stare and bizarre lines to entertain.  I wonder what he will wear and say next (so basically, it’s just another season of AI).

Teenage Heartthrobs

Guy or girl, we all had them.  Whether it was Debbie Gibson, John Travolta, Alyssa Milano or Tom Cruise, we all taped those pictures from Tiger Beat or 16 Magazine to the walls of our rooms and wrote letters to the fan clubs with the unrequited hope of getting an autographed picture from our crush.  If any of us were lucky enough to get a response back, it was likely penned by some underling on the payroll but we didn’t care!  That underling was somewhat connected to our heartthrob even if she was a 40-something staff flunky for the agency who represented the hottie.

Here are a few that I swooned over.   My first thought about this topic was to find out where they are now.  Many have undoubtedly fallen into the pits of child-star fame but I prefer not to discuss that.  I would rather remember them as I saw them back then – up and coming with promising futures ahead.  I found that many are still in the biz, however meager their roles may be, but who cares?!  Let’s remember them as they existed 25ish years ago …

 Brian Bloom – what happened to you?  I mean, with those blue eyes you were an 80’s heartthrob worthy of a cat fight romance between Debbie Gibson and that blonde girl from Kate and Ally.   What is the world coming to when a gorgeous teen boy actor can get no further than soaps and made-for-TV movies?  How can those electric eyes fade out of the limelight?

(nice hair, by the way)

John Cusack.  Now there were some who I considered cute but for other reasons – like John Cusack.  Of course he was cute – in a way – but my heart was throbbing more for his straight-faced dry wit and sarcasm.   After consulting IMDB, he might just be one of the most successful teen heartthrobs out there.  He has been consistently employed since 1983 and you can be sure that he is always playing that dry and witty character who I personally think is just himself.  In any event Lane Meyer, I heart you … and I got ‘ur two dollars right here, darlin’ 🙂

Christian Slater.  I don’t know, maybe it’s those Nicholson-esque eyebrows but this bad boy always made me look twice.   No folks, he isn’t dead – there was no snowboarding accident.  That one almost stopped my heart a little bit but as far as I know, he’s still out there and working on a new TV show.  Here’s hoping this one does better than the last one about his double life (which I watched religiously, by the way).  Jack Nicholson is getting old and someone needs to carry on with those sarcastic brows.

Johnny Depp.   All right, this one is pretty obvious and very cliche but I stand by my judgment back then.  And there’s something to be said about that my 12 year old judgment because I think Johnny is the only one who has maintained his heartthrob status throughout the years.  From young cop to a pirate, women are still swooning (me too, for the record).

Mackenzie Astin – you were my favorite.  I first saw you in the late 80’s as Andy on the Facts of Life.   You know, when that show jumped the shark and Mrs. Garrett no longer had school-aged Joe and Blair to push around so she had to open a bakery or something.  Anyway, you were the cutie bad-boy 12 year old and I savored every one of those episodes.       
(I’m lovin’ the multi-tonal stone washed jean jacket, Mac)

THEN!  I found you again in the late 90’s in one of my favorite romance movies, “Dream for an Insomniac” (yes, I admit that even I like a romance from time-t0-time).  This movie was some backwards connection to Old Blue Eyes (Sinatra for you youngin’s) and Mac’s eyes were the main event in this movie. 

So let’s sum up … blue eyes and bad boys … yup, that about covers it!